Friday, July 24, 2009

Your country, your kindred, your father's house

Now the LORD said to Abram, "Go from your country and your kindred and your father’s house to the land that I will show you. And I will make of you a great nation, and I will bless you and make your name great, so that you will be a blessing."
-Genesis 12:1, 2 (ESV)

I kinda feel like Abram right now. God's calling me to leave everything behind. Today, it kinda hit me just what everything means. Our jobs. Our family. Our friends. Our comfort.
I read these verses, and it's difficult to comprehend. I mean, I know what it says, but I can't see verse 2. I can's see the great nation or the blessings. I see "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house."
It flat out scares me. Leaving the country, the kindred, the father's house, it freaks me out. It almost feels like I'm running away from problems (and the problems have been piling up here).

I talked to God and told Him that I don't know what to pray. There's just so much unresolved crap that's going on here that I literally don't know how to pray. I usually pray my will (which I know I'm not supposed to do, but it's so hard to do otherwise), but I'm not sure what my will is.

Nobody said that this job was going to be easy, but nobody said that this was going to be so hard (no Coldplay reference intended). I'm looking for the easy yoke and light burden, but it seems to have gotten lost in all the chaos that is my last month in this place that I call home.

Please pray for me (Jason Jefferson), for clarity in how to handle all that's going on here (I'm sorry for the vagueness, but I don't want to share other people's junk). Also pray that I will be able to accept that which I can't fix and leave behind what I must. And, of course, for funding, both that the funds would come in and that I would be able to focus on it and this upcoming year. I need to focus a lot of attention on fundraising right now.

Am I the only one feeling this? Is anyone else scared out of their minds about this? Is anyone else feeling attacked?


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